Monday, November 17, 2008

learn to let go

Pain is not some thing to welcome. Everybody hates pains but every one of us go thro’ it many times. Pain and pleasure are 2 sides of same coin. It means that more u are running towards pleasure more u are inviting pain…or few pains one face now more pleasure it will brought later…Iknow this logic has no direct relevance to the real world we live. But still knowingly and unknowingly we adopt it. We take pain deliberately with a hope that once it is over it will lead to more joy and pleasure.

Nature developed Pain and pleasure so that we can move away from unfavourable condition to favourable condition. Pains are either physical or emotional. We can overcome physical pain by altering physical world and most of us know how to do it. So it is not a concern for this article. In this article we will deal with emotional pain. Emotional pain is expressed through negative emotion like anger, fear, anxiety, depression, grief or guilt. We all do it in our day to day life. Problem occurs when it take major part of our conscious life to the extent that we start identifying our selves with it.

Emotional pain is generated as response to the judgement. If we can change judgement we can change pain to pleasure. Or if we can stop judging we can simply avoid pain. We always held other’s responsible for the pain, and we try hard correct them, blame them or indulge into endless fight with them. If other one are with in us, in that case we fight with ourselves, we harm ourselves, we punish ourselves.

Some times these pains seems to trigger of it own because of some external stimuli… I agree that in such case immediate reaction is not under your conscious control. Immediate response will be as per the anagram available in your subconscious they are not in direct control of conscious thinking. But once these anagram generate reaction it becomes part of consciousness and keep disturbing us. So later part is always depends on how we tackle it consciously. So most of time its our choice either to cling and get in thought of infinite loop and allow it to go further deep making us depressed or Burst into anger or suffer anxiety. or we can get rid of it by letting go.

Surprisingly we experience these pains, when either we think about past or future. It has no relation with present. Anybody who is physically and mentally at present moment of time never feels such pains. It means emotional pains are holding a thought or a memories. When we are holding on to something that we don't need - we should learn to let go. It sounds simple. So why do we find it so difficult?

Remember that ‘letting go’ is not ‘getting rid of’ or ‘throwing away’. Say I’m holding onto mobile and you say, ‘Let go of it!’, that doesn’t mean ‘throw it out’. I might think that I have to throw it away because I’m attached to it, but that would just be the desire to get rid of it.

We tend to think that getting rid of the object is a way of getting rid of attachment. But if I can contemplate attachment, this grasping of the mobile, I realise that there is no point in getting rid of it - it’s a good mobile; it keeps good in communicating n playing game and is not heavy to carry around. The mobile is not the problem. The problem is grasping the mobile unnecessarily.

So what do I do? Let it go, lay it aside - put it down gently without any kind of aversion. Then I can pick it up again, and lay it aside as and when necessary. Now if u still thinking about mobile and its desire of holding it again, is over riding your mind after placing it aside over the table!. ……if not ..then as far as mobile is concerned its real let go for that moment.

Also, understand Letting go is not Forgo and forget. It is more then that. Letting go is like third party observer. It is like referee of the game..good referee remain emotionally unattached to the players. He allows them to play and prompts at mistake without emotionally involving into it. So make your self ready to learn and use let go with a faith that your life is not to live in depression, fear and anger…and nobody..who so ever has a right to make you feel like that.

When you are feeling depressed and negative, the moment that you refuse to indulge in that feeling is an enlightenment experience. When you see that, you need not sink into the sea of depression and despair and wallow in it. You can actually stop by learning not to give things a second thought.

You have to find this out through practice so that you will know for yourself how to let go of the origin of suffering. You have to contemplate the experience of letting go and really examine and investigate until the insight comes. This does not mean that you are going to let go of desire forever but, at that one moment, you actually have let go and you have done it in full conscious awareness. There is an insight then. This is what we call insight knowledge or profound understanding.

Let us understand cause for the emotional pains, by nature attached to thoughts and words rolling in our mind. . it is either for your enemy or your friend. Either you trying hard to escape from it Or you need it badly. you want to take revenge or you want to teach lesson at any cost. Or you want to clarify your point of arguments. Or you want to pass judgement. They are all source of negative emotion.

Now for example take Judgements. It is the judgement which forces you see some one as enemy or as friend. It is not always possible to change external environment responsible for it. But it is always possible for us to decide how we react to it. How we judge and why we judge. It requires reprogramming of our mind. like you r not alone responsible for all the suffering all over the world. Nor you the only one suffering in this world. With a Understand that we all have power to execute. remember it is execution and not jus worry which brings changes. so if you worry beyond your capabilities then you r miss utilizing your own resources…and it may happen that you r worried for world and your immediate neighbour needs simple help from u. and you r not available for that simple help.

Learn to let go. If you cant let matter how hard you try source of pain will remain in u. letting go is not for others benefit. it is for ourselves. the process looks, tedious and painful, but once it is mastered it is easy and effortless and brings magical benefits …so start learning let go. Believe me anybody can learn it. It is wonder tool in over coming pain. So start practicing, before pain reaches to point of no recovery…it will not happen in a single day but it will happen one day…n that day is not far away.

I agree that contemplation is good and most of the time we start with contemplation and ends up with anxiety. Please Remember, any thought process if it generating emotions then it is not contemplation. Specially watch negative emotions.

Attachment shapes our life from childhood. We form a bond with our parents, and these early relationships have an impact on all future relationships. When these relationships change, or when we experience a loss, we are faced with the difficult process of letting go. We usually don't want to let go. We want to continue the attachment which has given us such fulfilment. We often want to continue the attachment even when it is no longer rational to want it.

You under go pains of anxiety, fear anger and depression or guilt and grief due to these thoughts. , letting go is stopping yourself giving second thought to these words. Letting go is recognising what is disturbing u inside and then immediately put those thought to the halt. Many time letting go is miss understood by running away from responsibility. No it is not. Letting go is not running away ….it is rather stopping mind who is running in infinite loops.

I thought that I knew a lot about this process, but it was different when I had to go through it myself. I remember when I left home and secure shield of parents to remote place first time for the work, when friends abused me. When boss fired me left right n right made me to loose seniority. when I left illusive and tempting world pornography.

Now with personal problems and obsessions, to let go of them is just that much. It is not a matter of analysing and endlessly making more of a problem about them, but of practising that state of leaving things alone, letting go of them. At first, you let go but then you pick them up again because the habit of grasping is so strong. But at least you have the idea. Even when I had that insight into letting go, I let go for a moment but then I started grasping by thinking: ‘I can’t do it, I have so many bad habits!’. It is just a matter of practising letting go. The more you begin to see how to do it, then the more you are able to sustain the state of non-attachment.

There are health benefits to letting go. People who worry a lot and hold on to problems may be more vulnerable to physical problems than people who are able to let go. Anger and hostility have even been associated with heart attack risk. At least two personality types have been connected with an increased risk of heart attack. Type A and Type D personalities, both involve an inability to let go. The type A person is pressured and driven, while the type D person is worried and anxious. By learning to let go of cares, worries, anger, deadline pressure, and similar concerns we may be lengthening our lives. We are certainly making them more enjoyable.

Say your loved one move out of your life because he/ she finds better one. leaving u under shock…u cry, u desperately runs then u burst in to anger and then you’re your self to acute depression. Where as one who left you , your state is hardly matter, in such situation let go and to forgive brings magical results.

Everybody around us talk about benefits of forgiveness. We are told from child hood to forgive. But very few knows how to forgive. More over nobody told us how to know that we have really forgave some one we want. It is simple to notice. Think about the one, u think u have forgiven …check out emotion emerging in u as u think about it. If u really forgive then u wont feel any negative emotion…More on forgiveness in next post… 

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